Yesterday I returned from a wonderfully refreshing 6 day Bali getaway. I was so excited to switch off, tune back in, and recharge my batteries, and had set the intention to re-connect with my peace and find my stillness again after having a few hectic weeks behind my computer screen.
With these intentions in mind when I arrived, it somehow didn’t feel how I had expected it to. For 3 days I found myself feeling a little off. I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t bursting with excitement, I wasn’t stressed. It was a dance between feeling everything, and feeling nothing. I was taken by surprise by this unfamiliar feeling, trying to figure out what it all meant, and it wasn’t until I matched it to the word emptiness, that fear came creeping in.
Fear always arrives when the Ego is being challenged by truth.
You see at first when we allow ourselves to switch off, it feels so foreign and weird because our Ego mind constantly attaches to and reaches for anything it can to create noise- other places we should be, what else we need to be doing, to-do lists, not having enough time, future trippin’ thoughts, that story from 3 weeks ago when someone said something mean to you- aka the shit that doesn’t even matter- whereas when we become committed to letting go, when we practice being present, and when we choose to keep expanding our inner awareness (yes it’s already there) we can remember that meditation and stillness is our natural state of being- we just got caught up in the chaos again and forgot.